


There's no longer

by Howardson



Series: MH stories/one shots i'm barfing out during quarantine [6]
Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Angst, M/M, jay is freaking out, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:55:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24819517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Howardson/pseuds/Howardson
Summary: putting my issues on Jay is the one thing I'm good at
Relationships: Jay Merrick/Timothy "Tim" Wright, not important tho - Relationship
Series: MH stories/one shots i'm barfing out during quarantine [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1725586
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	There's no longer

**Author's Note:**

> putting my issues on Jay is the one thing I'm good at

Jay feels like shit. And yeah, maybe the years of being stalked by an eldritch monster, having your friends try to kill you multiple times (the scar on your abdomen a startling reminder you /almost died/) is a warrant for an excuse.

But it’s not those memories baring their teeth that has himself crouched on his bedroom floor, gripping the edge of the mattress like a lifeline. It probably is at this point because everything feels /wrong/.

Your entire body trembles because your very existence is out of place. The air dances in your vision, daily static that you should be used to. But it only sends Jay deeper into hysterics. It’s almost as if you can feel the essence of emptiness in the house you live in. It’s walls echo your cries while it absorbs your pain with a bittersweet promise that no one will hear you. 

This house is empty. You’re alone with no one to hurriedly open the door, scoop you into their arms and rock you gently until the world stops screaming at you.

But Jay can only feel like it’s almost a relief as well.

And it’s worse that Jay can only guess why. He doesn’t belong, he never has. Being around people made your soul ache at the worst of times. Making friends when every inch of your being doesn’t want to be there is not normal. Having a boyfriend doesn’t seem possible either.

It’s not normal to hear the buzz of the tv from downstairs, to feel every part of your clothes that make contact and hang off your body and /god/ you just want to rip the tag off your shirt. But that would require moving, which would require you to except you exist at this very moment. Which you do not. 

But you're very much aware that you do. Jay knows he does. He also knows he can change that. There’s so many ways to end your existence. It wouldn’t be hard, maybe painful, not hard. 

Even as Jay’s mind explodes, he can’t bring himself to move. Your limbs are locked, hands grasping, knee’s aching, and the balls of your feet are going numb. All the house hears is Jay’s sharp gasps and keening cries.

Eventually Jay’s senses go numb as well. He doesn’t feel the atmosphere anymore and his limbs turn to jelly. You allow yourself to lay on the carpeted floor and breath a little easier. 

You don’t really know how long you were crouched for, but you're exhausted so Jay doesn’t get up to check the time. It’s late. The room has been dark for a while, the only light leaking under the closed door. Jay just wants to pass out, but he’s vaguely aware this isn’t the best position to be found in. Earlier, you convinced yourself that you were alone. Which isn’t a total lie because Tim had taken the night shifts this week, but he’ll be back. And you’re not sure if you want to explain why he would find you curled on the floor looking worse for wear. Mostly because you wouldn’t be able to form a solid answer.

Jay felt like shit. You felt wrong, the world felt wrong. Wrong in what way? Jay had no idea. It was just the way it was and Tim was gonna have to deal with it. Content with that, Jay let himself drift where he was, catching a dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> probably fucked up perspective and grammar. Flow is shit too. whatever.


End file.
